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I’ll have your friends hating me while I control every aspect of your life. NYC editor who gets drunk and takes pictures a lot. If you can eat more Mc Donald’s cheeseburgers than me then I’ll suck your d*ck I have a pretty great rack Half-Filipino, Half-German, Physics major. If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. Tinder, because the girls on Grindr were too hairy. In my free time I like to take my shirt off and take selfies. It’s like sex in space with meteors and satellites dancing past us as time stands still. I like laughing, dogs, lots of food, beer, outdoor activities, and adventures. I’m super in shape thanks to my strict diet of Mountain Dew and twizzlers. When She’s walking home wards the monastery she thinks about how this is possible as she’s never had sex. The closest unicorn looks at your ass against the glass. (If it’s good enough for Hilary Duff’s Tinder profile, it’s good enough for you)Hi, I’m here for a boring time. I have small hands so it will make your dick look bigger. I’m looking for a long term relationship probably involving a lot of hard work and hardly any sex. I like to pick the movies and if you don’t let me, I’ll tell everyone you beat me. If there wasn’t enough WTF profile’s already, here’s some more. If I see you without an erection, I’ll make you a sandwich. Lonely vagina seeks penis to be friends with and maybe more Voted most likely to steal your man. About me: Let me bitch at you every day until you sort your shit out. We get married and on our wedding night we’re about to get down and dirt when suddenly I pull up my dress and expose my penis. Looking for a man to cum inside me so I can wipe my goopy vagina along the kitchen floor and pretend I am a slug. Kinda girl you would take home to your mom but would blow you on the way there. If you can’t handle me at my worst I really commend and respect you for setting healthy boundaries for yourself. Skills include: giving head and completing entire games of Civ V.#dicknotdevotion What similarities are there between a 9v battery and my a**hole? You know you shouldn’t lick it, but you do it anyways. You see, when I was developing my Tinder game I used to scour the web for content to use. Shirtless gym selfies, cut-off tee gym selfies, pull-my-shirt-up gym selfies, mid-workout gym selfies. Married, couple of kids, looking for some side action. If you want to break through the Tinder jungle and have flirty Tinder conversations, you need some serious firepower.One of the best resources I came across was the Tinder thread on a fitness forum – this was a huge 350 page thread with thousands of posts! For a limited time I’m sharing my private list of powerful Tinder openers that’ll make 9 out of 10 girls respond to your messages and flirt with you… It’s the GO-TO GUIDE so you’ll never be stuck trying to think up a clever pick up line…

Only adults who are 18 years of age (or older depending on the laws of the jurisdiction you live in) are allowed to access this material.On our first date I will carve our initials into a tree. I offer to go to the movies but you are tired/have to do laundry. It’s the most romantic way of letting you know I have a knife.“Well honey, I met daddy when he told me he ate ass and asked me if I had snapchat” Let’s get pizza. I take you home and awkwardly hug you in your driveway. I get 2 favorites and a reply calling me a “fagit”. If you like protein shakes, and getting caught at the gym, if you’re not into crossfit, if you have half a brain, if you like making gains at midnight, while curling in the squat rack, I’m the love that you’ve looked for, message me and be swole m8It’s tinder, let’s be real you just want my tits I don’t know who you are. I’m not the type of girl you have to hold in farts for, but rather the type of girl you want to hold in farts for. Every single time a man sleeps with a lot of women, he’s called a stud. My tits and I have one thing in common and that’s we’re a little bit more than a handful. I love cookies, anal and milk If you like your women like you like your microwaves look no further: Cool on the outside. I like long walks down the beach and …I just wanna make out, cuddle in baggy clothes while watching movies and I dunno maybe put my hand down your pants… You can also find me on Sniffr (it’s like Tinder but for dogs)5 Stars: “A perfect gentleman” – Anonymous Tinder woman.5 Stars: “Made 50 Shades of Grey seem as tame as the Teletubbies” – Anonymous Tinder Woman1 Star: “Stop asking me for a review you weirdo” – Anonymous Tinder Woman5 Stars: “So sweet” – Mark’s mum So you’re looking for ‘the one’ huh? but you’ll be so sexually starved when you do that you’ll fu*k him on the first date, he will lose interest, the sweet texts will stop and you’ll be all alone with your pizza rolls swiping left and right again while he dates someone that’s challenging enough to keep his interest for longer than a weekend. The slowest drink at the saddest bar on the snowiest day in the greatest city. Damn boy u must be my GPA because I know I could do better I’m just too lazy to actually try Feed me pizza and tell me I’m pretty and the odds of butt stuff is def in your favor Daddy issues and a low self esteem, holla! But if a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she’s called a slut, and people think this is unfair… To be a stud you have to be witty, charming, be well-dressed, have nice shoes, and a fake job. There are fat ugly sluts out there, there are not fat ugly studs. The only hair between my legs should be your beard Horseback rider. It’s whatever…I’m currently in a three way open relationship with my two female housemates if that’s going to be an issue.“You gotta consult the cutie before you go touching that booty” – Ancient proverb Swipe right if you’re tired of masturbating. Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence. I keep 300 heifers satisfied every day, looking to make that 301Medium-small penis.

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