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In the meantime, I'm enjoying playing "Catopoly" with the kids and being with Jill. I have my appointment set at the Cornell-Weill Myeloma Center, seeing Dr. I suspect the outcome of this meeting will be to schedule more tests (in particular a bone biopsy), but each step we learn more, and these are the steps we have to take. I'm not trying to keep this secret -- hey, I have a blog after all -- but I haven't really advertised it to too many people.
The first chapter was about his father's long descent and death by Alzheimer's.
Of course we'll have the usual second opinions, etc. Who knows, it may be interesting for someone to read at some point.
but at some point we'll have to make decisions about what to do. There is still a lot I want to say, a lot I want to do! Confronting your own mortality in a really direct way like this does give you a clarity, a focus, that you didn't have before.
Things I want to tell my kids, things I want to write, music I want to create, experiences I want to have. I thought I'd start this blog in a feeble attempt to get a little of this accomplished, plus it will give me something to do at times when I'll probably really need something to do. ), I will be able to read this years from now as a record of a particularly "interesting" time. I'm not a big fan of blogging, and I bet this will exhibit a lot of the worst aspects -- random connections, wandering thoughts, bogus assertions, self-centered, self-serving and maudlin texts, the whole gamut. We all pretend we know we're going to die, but when the news comes hard and you realize you do indeed have a finite and circumscribed time, you rearrange priorities in a way that isn't all that bad.
It's Christmas Eve, and the time I've had with my family (just got back from my sister's, and Daniel is in bed, Lian wrapping gifts, Jill winding down for the night) has been resonant in a surprisingly wonderful way.