Quit dating the church

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The fear is that casual dating means casual sex, casual deep intimacy or casual love—which are all by nature not casual.

But if we assume that a good man and a good woman understand those boundaries, why would getting coffee and learning more about the other person not be healthy, enjoyable and within any reasonable scope of OK? Reality: Women can guard their own hearts, make their own decisions, and suffer the highs and lows of emotional intimacy just like the rest of us (if not better than the rest of us).

Erica bringin’ the wisdom with a punch-in-the-face question as sentence #1, a sly wink to societal norms in sentence #2, and a scathing (and true) assessment in sentence #3. However, the answer you’re seeking isn’t really for you, it’s for him. I know you do, because you alluded to it when you wrote, “Christian guys rarely can just keep it casual and go on a date, give it a chance.” That’s the symptom of a much larger problem—a problem that, unfortunately, will not be helped by me talking to a lady. And you know you’ve noticed her because you notice brilliant, wise, etc., woman in your circle. Somewhere in the formative and oh-so-tacky ’80s and ’90s, a message spread through Christian bookstores (R. P.), pulpits, youth groups, and all the nooks and crannies of God-fearing culture.

Reality: Casual dating to get to know someone is good—and necessary—if you’re ever going to, you know, move past your mom.

is to honor God, be respectful to her, and be brutally honest about when your feelings are casual and when they’re not.AND LET ME BE CLEAR – I’m not just talking about petty disappointments over nursery wall color. Before I go any further, let’s address the elephant in the room. Certainly there are valid reasons for leaving a local church and finding another one. Some of us have experienced profound disappointments, disagreements, hurts, let-downs…it’s almost as if (but if couldn’t be? Reality: OK, maybe it’s a good idea to have a distant goal in mind that possibly, in the future, you could marry a person.And I intentionally said “a person,” not “this person” who you’re sitting across a table from, because knowing that you are moderately amenable to walking down that road means you’re probably in a good spot to date casually, honestly and respectfully.

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