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After three months of indecision, I hired a divorce attorney.

As we scheduled court dates, I found myself sinking into despair. I was embarrassed to think what friends were whispering behind my back. I was haunted by the dark and desperate pictures I had seen while tracing Joe's porn path, but I had no one to talk to about it.

But when I confided in close friends, some thought I was overreacting. Others said his behavior was normal — all men like looking at naked women.

Then, when he began suffering from impotence, he blamed me."Listen to me," the wise voice said, "I get calls from nice women like you all week long. I'll change the password on your husband's account and give it to you. If he's telling you the truth, fine, go back to him.But if he isn't, leave the jerk." I stayed up all night reading Joe's emails — and I descended into the world of a stranger.During the day, his contracting business kept him operating at a dizzying pace, hopscotching across towns and states to meet with clients. He was right there in our living room, laughing about an email from his brother or looking at a site for new gadgets.After those grueling hours, there was nothing Joe liked more than to come home, wrestle with Jamie, rub my back, and crash in front of his computer. Sometimes, though, I would wake up in the dark and find myself alone in bed. "Well, okay, maybe you could give them a call," I suggested, eager to clear the air with my parents.

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